I have had the modivation lately to become a more mature christian. I live with my fiance and we are suppose to get married soon but we dont know how soon. Just when it works out has mostly been the attitude. Well, i think we can make it work out in the next 6 months if we go to church more and find a good preacher to marry us and mature us in faith as a couple. Me and my fiance have already had sex though, and i told him i dont want to anymore until we get married. I think it made him sad and a little depressed that i began going through a spiritual battle and he cried last night saying i distanced myself. My fiance never cries but he did and i knew i was breaking his heart but i do feel like god wants us to become closer with our faith before we jump to getting married. He agreed to go to church and hes slowly getting over my spiritual change but i still feel REALLY guilty for breaking his heart over it. It was a sudden change and i totally understand why he felt the way he did. Am i doing everything ok here??
the reason why im asking in the married section is because i think the singles can be real harsh and not understand the maturity of marraige so i didnt want to ask in that catagory
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A Christian should never feel guilty for honoring God by doing what is right in God’s sight. By choosing to not have sex with your fiance until you get married shows that you are serious about putting God first in your life.
That is a very significant step towards having a happier marriage. You are also showing a godly example to your mate. That is all God asks of you. Even in your marriage, God needs to come first before your mate.
Relationships have different levels. You and your mate took it to the highest level by becoming physically intimate. Rewinding the video back to a time before you had premarital sex takes courage and conviction. It is not easy to do. But it is exactly what God is telling you to do. Your fiance feels that you’re putting distance between him and you. In an emotional sense you are because once you’ve gone so far it’s hard to go back the other way and not feel one is being rejected. But there are all sorts of things you can do to assure your fiance that your love for him has not changed- just your attitude toward what you’re doing.
More importantly this is a real test of your fiance’s love and commitment to you. And a litmus test of the depth of his own faith. Your feelings should come before his. And if he is not hearing the little voice inside telling him to hold back as well then both of you pray together. And remind him what Paul in Phillipians 4:8 says:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things.”
You do a great honor to God by doing what you’re doing. I would encourage you to take things one step further. Start living in separate places. You have your whole lives to live together. God has reserved that for marriage in every sense of the word. While the world views unweds living together as acceptable, with it comes the perception that a couple are not just merely room mates sharing the rent when they’re living together. It is the perception that is the issue. And as a young Christian woman you cannot escape that fact. So, even if you and your fiance are no longer intimate there is the perception that you are. And that can have just as many consequences as if you were.
You are on the right track by deciding to go to church and receive guidance from the pastor.To build a strong Christian life there are 4 key ingredients:
1. spend time with other believers
2. read your Bible regularly
3. Pray daily
4. Exercise your faith daily by asking God, “What would you have me do today Lord?”
Blessings to you girl!
Ok, guy’s opinion here. Maybe he thinks that you just want to speed up the marriage, and now you are basically using sex as a weapon. He probably feels that you’re doing this to pressure him into marrying you sooner. In his mind, this is NOT what he signed on for!!
And in his defense, you had nooooooo problem with sex or living together in sin while you were dating, but once you got where you had moved in and you felt that you had him, you suddenly had this “spiritual awakening”. How convenient.
You really should have gotten married before you had sex, but now that you’ve lived together as man and wife, it’s time to become man and wife. Personally, I think church isn’t as important as focusing on God and studying His Word, and no preacher, no matter how good he is, can make you more mature. That’s up to you. The mature thing to do at this point is to get married as soon as possible, and stay faithful to each other for life. Why is he crying over this? It seems to me he should have had the decency to marry you in the first place before becoming one with you. Not to sound too harsh here, but honestly, he’s not going to die if he waits until you’re his wife, and if he cries about it, he’s being childish and dishonorable. I think you should be with your family again until the wedding. That will show him you mean business and motivate him to get serious about marriage. Check out the book “Getting Serious about Getting Married”, by Debbie Maken. She offers some good insight and practical advice. Good luck.
Good answer, Dont_taze_me_bro! I also think that Peter N makes a good point – where were your morals when you moved in with the guy?
Yes you are. First off, God is forgiving of anything if you truly want forgiveness. Just because you have already had sex does not mean that you cannot quit until you are married. That is a very mature decision. (Both religiously and relationship wise). I can understand him being upset, however (he’s a guy), he needs to realize that this is important to you, and it will help your relationship. If you both work through this change and ultimately become closer to God your relationship will flourish!
Best of luck!
yes you are doing ok, this is the right thing; and you wanting to take your spiritual life to the next level and wanting to have a personal relationship with God is the BEST step to take.
continually pray for him so you can take this step together.
sounds like you two really love each other, the important thing to do is have good communications with him make sure he understands where you are coming from an that you’re not trying to hurt him. yes i think you’re doing everything o.k, you can always do other intimate things in place of sex. don’t forget that communication is the key.
No preacher is going to “mature” you. This is an internal development you must conduct within your own heart and mind.
You and this person need to do some serious soul searching and develop a better understanding of marriage, commitment and relationships.